According to a 2009 study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, it takes 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit. The study also concluded that, on average, it takes 66 days for a new behaviour to become automatic.
So where does that leave the groundswell of insta-activism over the last month?
Towards the end of May and certainly at the beginning of June, I (and many other Black people) received a number of messages from non-Black people that we are in some form of relationship with about various reactions they were having regarding the eruption of needing to be seen as fluent in ‘race-relations’ and allyship.
I explained the irritation in a post where I put up very severe boundaries as a way to ensure that I could protect myself from what was likely to be a barrage of private messages of sympathy, alleged empathy and self exoneration. I then sat back and watched as many then turned their emotional outpouring to the public space of Instagram (mainly) to pour out their solidarity. Healthily embracing the cynicism, I’d say I have no reason not to believe that some of this is virtue signalling — the view one should be able to see a solid correlation between an ardent (re)poster of colourful often informative images and their identification as being one of ‘the good ones’. But I also wonder how much of this has also been because Black people en-masse closed their metaphorical homes to the ‘white noise’ and so it found itself loudly flagellating on the streets.
So what now?
Well in this moment, I am inviting those who are not Black to share what they have learned over the last month.
There is no gotcha involved, but there is a healthy level of skepticism involved and I think that given the build up and pervasive nature of anti-Black racism (sometimes dressed up as ‘non-racism’ and sometimes said to be ‘everything but the R word’ as examples) I would be somewhere between egotistical and fantastical to believe the recent flurry of interest equals sustained change.
So here are some questions for reflection while you’re deciding if you’re done on the uphill struggle or if you’re good to keep going…
What reflections do you now have about your racial identity?
What has been an insight/aha moment for you in how you have experienced the last month because of your racial identity?
What’s the main thing that you’ve read/watched that’s had the biggest impact on your understanding of anti-Black racism?
Why did you engage with this over other things and how does it relate to the context in your geographic location?
What connections have you made between institutional acts of anti-Black racism and the everyday individual acts of it?
What has changed in the relationship you have with Black people? How do you know?
Thinking specifically about me (or another specific Black person you’re in relation with) what reflections do you have about why we did not want to engage with your initial message(s) about this?
If the friendship is damaged, what reflections do you have about how to repair it? Are you ok with it being irreparable? What do you take from that?
Where have you (very likely) centred yourself in your actions of last month? How was this at the expense of Black people?
We probably have talked race before, so there’s likely a previous workplace or social experience that we’ve had where racism has come up. What reflections do you have now on my/your/others actions at that time?
In sitting with reflecting on even a third of these questions, you’ll see why 28ish dates of intermittently liking the aesthetic of a post to share from your own account does not have the same intention as using its content to really interrogate yourself, the emotions that come up and any biases that you now uncover.
In continuing to reset some relationships with non-Black people, I’m also inviting some to sit with me as part of a podcast conversation to discuss these topics in a more fluid way. If you’re interested, let me know.